Joseph cried for a while and then told his servants to embalm his father. This took forty days, and the Egyptians mourned him for another seventy. When that was over, Joseph asked the Pharaoh for some time off to go bury his father.

The whole clan left for Canaan. They stopped to cry for a week when they got to Atad, beyond the Jordan. Then they moved on and buried their father just like he wanted. At some point, the brothers got scared that Joseph was going to be pissed at them now that Israel was dead. That whole thing about selling him into slavery. Joseph told them not to worry about it.

Joe lived to be 110 years old. In that time, he saw Manasseh’s son, Machir, born, and also three generations of Ephraim’s kids. When he died, he was embalmed and put into a coffin in Egypt.

And now let us all bid a fond farewell to Genesis. I hope to see you all back here soon for Exodus!

Original text

Now I guess Israel is reciting poetry for his sons.

Reuben, you suck. You slept with your stepmother.

Simeon and Levi, stay away from each other.

Judah and Issachar, you’re both pretty hip.

Zebulun, you’re going to be a haven for ships.

Dan, you’re a snake. I don’t really like you.

Gad, you’ll be raided, but you’ll raid others, too.

Asher, you’re going to have lots of money.

Naphtali, you’re handsome. And Ben, you seem hungry.

Joe, you’re my favorite. Make sure these morons bury me with my fathers in the cave in the field of Ephron the Hittite, at Machpelah, to the east of Mamre, in Canaan. I know that last bit doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.

As soon as he was done talking, Israel died.

Original text

Joseph brought his sons to receive a deathbed blessing from their grandfather. Israel put his left hand on Manasseh’s head and his right hand on Ephraim’s head. This was apparently the wrong way because Manasseh was the firstborn and should have received the right hand. Joseph tried to correct him, but Israel said no, Ephraim and Manasseh were each going to be their own nations, along with their uncles, but Ephraim would be greater and have more offspring. Upon hearing this, Ephraim stuck out his tongue at Manasseh and said, “Neener, neener, neener.”

Original text

Joseph got his brothers jobs as shepherds for Pharaoh’s livestock. The famine was getting pretty bad by that time and the Egyptians had already spent all their money on grain from the store Joseph had put aside. They came to him demanding free food, so Joseph took their livestock in lieu of money. The next year, the people had no money and no livestock to trade. Joe decided to take ownership of their land in exchange for food. Now all the land belonged to the Pharaoh, and all the citizens were servants. (Except the priests, of course.) Then Joseph gave everyone some seed and told them to sow the land and give a fifth of their harvests to the Pharaoh. The Egyptians thanked him for being such a nice guy.

Israel died after seventeen happy years in Egypt, at the age of 147. Before he died, he made Joseph promise to bury him with Isaac and Abraham.

Original text

Israel got his stuff together and started out for Egypt, stopping along the way to sacrifice a lamb or two for God. This prompted God to appear to Israel in a vision and tell him not to be afraid to go to Egypt because great things were going to happen for him there.

And then…more genealogies. Excellent. (You can skip all this and scroll down to the chart if you don’t want to be bored to death.)

Leah’s sons

• Reuben’s sons: Hanoch, Pallu, Hezron, Carmi.
• Simeon’s sons: Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jachin, Zohar, Shaul (the son of a Canaanite woman).
• Levi: Gershon, Kohath, Merari.
• Judah’s sons: Er, Onan, Shelah, Perez, Zerah. (Perez’s sons: Hezron, Hamul.)
• Issachar’s sons: Tola, Puvah, Yob, Shimron.
• Zebulun’s sons: Sered, Elon, Jahleel.

Counting Dinah and other daughters, Leah’s descendants are 33.

Zilpah’s sons

• Gad’s sons: Ziphion, Haggi, Shuni, Ezbon, Eri, Arodi, Areli.
• Asher’s sons: Imnah, Ishvah, Ishvi, Beriah (and sister Serah). (Beriah’s sons: Heber, Malchiel.)

Zilpah had 16 descendants.

Rachel’s sons

• Joseph’s sons: Manasseh, Ephraim.
• Benjamin’s sons: Bela, Becher, Ashbel, Gera, Naaman, Ehi, Rosh, Muppim, Huppim, Ard.

Rachel had 14 descendants.

Bilhah’s sons

• Dan’s sons: Hushim.
• Naphtali’s sons: Jahzeel, Guni, Jezer, Shillem.

Bilhah had 7 descendants.

So, not counting his sons’ wives or Joseph and his two kids, Israel brought 66 people with him to Egypt.

Judah went ahead of the group to let Joseph know dad was on his way. Joseph took his chariot and went to meet Israel, and they had a nice sappy reunion.

Original text

Joseph couldn’t stand it anymore. He sent his servants out of the room and finally told his brothers who he was. They were a little freaked out. Joseph told them not to worry; he wasn’t mad about what they had done because it had actually worked out pretty well for him.

He said they should go home and get dad and everyone should move to Egypt. After all, there were five years left of the famine and Joseph wanted to make sure Israel was taken care of.

When the guys got home and told their father that his dead son was now pretty much the ruler of Egypt, Israel didn’t believe them. He finally realized they weren’t kidding when he saw all the donkeys and wagons and stuff Joseph had sent along for him. He got all excited and started planning his move to Egypt. I guess if he wasn’t so hungry, he might have punished his sons for sending Joseph away in the first place. But, you know, there was a famine on.

Original text

Joseph, who still hadn’t told his brothers who he was, told his servants to fill his brothers’ sacks with food and to put their money back in their bags. Then he told them to take his special silver cup and put it into Benjamin’s sack. After the guys left the next morning, Joe told his servants to go after them and accuse them of stealing the cup. Man, what a jackass. When the cup was found in Benjamin’s sack, all the brothers were taken back to Joseph’s house, where they begged for forgiveness. Joseph said Benjamin had to stay in Egypt and be his servant but that the rest of them could go home. Judah stepped up and told Joseph that their father would die if Benjamin didn’t return home with them.

Original text

Israel eventually ran out of food again, so he told his sons to go back to Egypt. Judah reminded him that the governor had told them not to return without Benjamin. Israel didn’t like it, but I guess he was too hungry to argue. When they showed up in Egypt, Joe ordered his stewards to make a feast and bring the brothers to his house to eat. When Joseph saw Benjamin, he got a little overemotional and had to run outside to weep for a minute. I guess Benjamin is Joe’s favorite, too.

I wonder if Simeon is still in jail at this point?

Original text