Moses started taking care of the flocks for his father-in-law, Jethro, and he led them one day to Horeb, the mountain of God.  A bush spontaneously caught fire and started talking. God introduced himself and told him this was a holy place. He said he felt bad for the Hebrews’ suffering and was planning to do something about it. He told Moses to go back to Egypt and lead the Israelites out because I guess they couldn’t find the way on their own. Moses said, “Um, God, why would the Pharaoh give me the Israelites?” God said, “Don’t worry, I got your back.”

Moses said, “If I tell the Israelites you sent me to them, they’re going to ask me your name. What should I tell them?” God said, “I AM WHO I AM, so tell them I AM sent you. I’m the same God that Abraham, Isaac and Jacob talked to, so go tell them that.” I guess God was feeling snippy that day. He told Moses to talk to the elders of Israel first, and then they should all go talk to the Pharaoh and say God needed them to take a three day journey to make some sacrifices to him. God said, “The king won’t let you go willingly, so I’ll smack him around a little and then he’ll let you go. But before you do, take some gold and silver and stuff from the Egyptians.”

Original text

A Levite woman had a son, but hid him for three months so the Egyptians wouldn’t throw him in the Nile. When she could no longer hide him, she put him in a basket and left him on the river bank. To make it easier for the Egyptians to find him, I guess. The Pharaoh’s daughter came to the river for a bath and saw the kid and figured he must belong to one of the Hebrews. The baby’s sister, who had been lurking nearby, asked the Pharaoh’s daughter if she should go get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for her. Li’l Pharaoh said yes, so Sis went and got her mom and brought her back to the river. Li’l Pharaoh told Mom she would pay her to nurse this baby she’d found. Very sneaky. Li’l Pharaoh named him Moses and raised him as her own, but he always knew he was a Hebrew.

Moses grew up, and one day he saw an Egyptian beating up a Hebrew. He killed the Egyptian and hid the body in the sand. He went back the next day and saw two Hebrews fighting. He told them to break it up and they said, “What are you gonna do? Kill us like you killed that Egyptian yesterday?” When he found out the Pharaoh was looking for him to kill him, Moses fled to Midian and sat down by a well. It wasn’t long before the seven daughters of the priest of Midian came to the well to get some water. Some shepherds came by to give them trouble, but Moses told them to back off and then helped the girls water their flocks.

When the girls got home, their father asked why they were so early. They told him all about the Egyptian who helped them out, and the priest told them to find him and ask him to stay with them. That’s what they did, and the priest gave Moses his daughter, Zipporah. She later gave birth to a son, Gershom.

The king of Egypt eventually died, and the Israelites cried to be rescued from their slavery. God heard their cries and decided to help them out since he’d made a deal with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Original text

Eventually, all of Jacob/Israel’s sons died, but their descendants multiplied and grew strong and after a while they were all over the place. A new king came into power in Egypt and he didn’t know Joseph or that everyone was supposed to love the Israelites. The king decided there were just too many of those damned Hebrews and he was afraid they’d someday rise against him or start a war or something. He tried to oppress them, thinking this was the best way to avoid catastrophe (he wasn’t very bright), but the Israelites just kept on multiplying.

The king went to two midwives, Shiprah and Puah, and told them to kill any sons the Hebrews might have, but to let the daughters live. The midwives said okay, but couldn’t do it because they knew God wouldn’t like it. They told the king the Hebrew women were strong and gave birth before a midwife could even get to them. The Pharaoh told all his people to make the Israelites their slaves and to throw Hebrew boys in the Nile.

Original text